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Life would be a lot easier if employers accepted excuses like “I’m sorry I can’t come into work today, I’m sleepy”
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
I need a vacation ... or this fifth of Jack -Me at the liqiour store
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
Somewhere out there is a guy named Joe whose greatest achievement is that he was a really sloppy eater.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point