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If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
Why do cops get mad when other cops have jurisdiction over a case? I`d be like cool I`m going home to eat.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough
Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
Pillow forts have no age limit when you’re awesome.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
No thank you, I don`t need a coaster. I won`t be putting my drink down.
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.