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Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
Football Logic: Your team won: Celebrate with beers! Your team lost: Better drown my sorrows in some beer.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
was on the treadmill for over an hour and I must say it is much easier with roller blades
I was looking all over for my ambition today......well, It wasn`t under this 12 pack, so I`ll look tomorrow.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. It’s greener where you water it.
I never think twice about helping others.In fact, I never think once about it.
I play hard to get along with.
Crazy is not a destination, it is a way of life.