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It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
Friend told me that on her strict new diet, she eats each meal naked in front of a mirror. I said would you like to come over for dinner?
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
Just noticed there`s no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
Holiday Tip #236: When hosting a covered dish holiday dinner where everyone brings something, never put a skinny person in charge of desserts.
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."