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I`m trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money.
Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
The worst part of being naked is not having pockets.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.
One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost and too stubborn to ask for directions.