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I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
If I had to describe myself with one word it would be "Doesn`t understand directions".
Bacon...need I say more
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary: 1) There are 1`s and 0`s 10) There are no 2`s
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
There damn well better be strippers & beer at my intervention because there is no way in hell I`m sitting through that sober!
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?