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So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
I have been snoring a lot lately and apparently my coworkers find it distracting
Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
Facebook: Making stalking people much more convenient since 2004.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Well the Christmas tree is out of the house, and back on the rear view mirror.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.