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Honestly, I have no idea what the f*ck I`ll do with 5 hours of energy.
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet... Oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
life is too short to match socks
I tried counting sheep to get to sleep, but one was missing and now Iām gonna be up all night worrying.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D