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That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
I run entirely on caffeine and inappropriate thoughts.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
Being an adult is basically a "choose your own adventure" book, but every choice sounds terrible.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
I want to grow my own food but I can`t find any bacon seeds.
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
If you come up to my bedroom door and find a sock on the knob it means I`m having sex ... Probably with the other sock.