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79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
I`ve never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
Congratulations! I`ve finally snapped, and you`re first on my list!
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
Every load of laundry that I wash, dry, fold, and put away makes nudists seem less crazy.
Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
It´s never to late to be happy
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
Being an adult is mostly just wondering if the stuff in the dishwasher is dirty or clean while eating soup out of a sand castle bucket.
Does anybody know how to disable the autocorrect feature on my wife ?