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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
Iād like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
She lost me at, "I don`t watch football."
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
It should be a rule that if you dress up like a red hair clown , you get a free happy meal at McDonalds .....I`ll pay this time , but I`m not happy ... !!
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?