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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. "You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
Hit me with your pet shark #RuinAn80sSong
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
No need to drive me crazy. I can walk from here.
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.
A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you`re a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.