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When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.
I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
The Kids today just don`t appreciate the colors and flavors of Dial soap like I do
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.
I`ve got a lot to unlearn.
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.