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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
If your Facebook post requires me to hit “continue…” get a diary.
A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" and watch the panic set in.
To whoever finds the $20 I dropped last night: spend it on alcohol. It`s what I would have wanted.
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
My bank is the worst. They`re charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can`t even afford to be broke.
Do midgets still start their childhood stories off with, "When I was little"
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
When Life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
Iam not as THINK as you DRUNK iam!!