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This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
My internet goes out more than I do.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
I`m not crazy I`m just special! No wait maybe I am crazy.. One second, I have to talk to myself about this hold on...
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.