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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
I noticed the toilet roll incorrectly installed in your selfie.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
If you feel down because you had a bad day! Chin up! Tomorrow is another day and the worst has yet to come!
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
The best part about Valentine`s Day is that tomorrow is Friday.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
Life is basically one long, terrible date with yourself.
My hearing is fine. There`s no need to repeat yourself! I ignored you perfectly well the first time.
Sorry I`m late, I didnt want to come
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
REMEMBER: If you start to hear banjos, get the hell outta there!
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
I`ve given up on giving up.