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Who says nothing is impossible. I´ve been doing nothing for years.
3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
The best thing about telepathy is... I know, right!?
I decided I`m not doing the whole clock-back routine this year. If you need me, I`ll be in the frickin future.
A good man can make you feel sexy, strong, and able to take on the world ...Oh sorry ...That`s wine ...Wine does that.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
“we should hang out soon” loosely translates to I’m doing everything in my power to end this stupid conversation.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.