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Kiss me I`m Irish, put a little tongue in it, I`m French too
I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
I have no super powers. I`m guessing I`m the villain.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house