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Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
Turning on your lights and siren after you lose a drag race is just poor sportsmanship.
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Imagine if someone`s name was Gurt. You`d be all "yo gurt!" .. funny? no? Ok (._.)
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
Jail is just the government`s way of sending you to your room.
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
Dear whoever ate my fries while I was in the ball pit at McDonalds... Not funny, grow up.