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The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider doing it.
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Was at an Apple store today when I let out a really loud fart. Boy, the employee`s were so mad. Hey, Not my fault they don`t have windows!
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
i m not totally useless, i can b used as bad example
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Just washed my car with the squeegee at the gas station.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
Sometimes my mind wanders, other times it leaves completly. ;)
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!