Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How is it possible that we have one hand that can do everything while the other hand is all, “I can’t even hold a pencil”?
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When i quized him on it, he reckoned he could stop aaaany time . . . .
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
Parents: Where are you going at this time of the night all dressed up like a slut? Daughter: To the bathroom, I need a new Facebook picture.
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Other times we just snuggle.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.