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I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
You know it`s time to clean your screen when you start confusing dirt with punctuation.
Nobody’s phone is ever off. They’re lying.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
Why aren’t mustaches called mouth brows?
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
I`ll admit I`m not perfect but what did the horse I rode in on do?
Newton`s third law of emotion. For every male action there is a female overreaction.
I got my panties all in a bunch ... You know those Wal Mart 10 pack cotton bundles.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.
You`re right. I don`t have a clue. I`ve never had a clue. It`s part of my charm and it seems to be working for me.