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whats the difference between a dog and a fox????? six shots
I think before we vote we should get the politicians drunk. That way they would speak what`s REALLY on their minds.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
"Wife dragged me to this theater. Somebody shoot me." -Abraham Lincoln`s last Tweet.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
It`s almost 2014, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
There`s a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
There is no time to check time