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Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.
I always try to behave on Friday nights but there are usually too many other options.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
Whoa. I just did something & almost forgot to document it on facebook. That was a close one.
If you`re behind someone at an ATM at night, let them know you`re not a threat by gently kissing their neck.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right!
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.