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Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents. The second half will be ruined by our children
My wife told me her favourite position is when i lay very very still for a few hours........late at night....until the alarm clock goes off in the morning.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
My friends always use to say, "there`s plenty of fish in the sea." But looks like I ignored their advice and ended up marrying a whale.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
I hate it when people radiotype us blondes as dumb.
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.