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Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
I typed bitch into my GPS and guess what? I`m in your drive way. Vroom, vroom mother f*%ker.
The best way to grill a chicken is to whack it with a rubber hose before you ask why it crossed the road..
Zoos would be cooler if you had to fight each animal before you could see the next one.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
My scars tell a story. A story about a guy who`s really f*cking clumsy.
How long does it take to get obsessed?
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.