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WARNING. Content on my Facebook page may offend. But I don`t f*cking care
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
I was going to write something profound and memorable here, but I can`t remember what it was.
OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
The heat index is somewhere between OMG and WTF!
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
If my life was a GPS it would constantly be recalculating
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
I am not saying you are stupid, because I thought you already knew
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.