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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
Why fart and waste it, when you can burp and taste it
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
If I text with “Almost there!” I haven’t left yet.
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
Some people have goals of conquering the world! My goal is to sleep through the night without having to get up and pee!
Ice cream is clearly God`s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"