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Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
So does screaming at my son in Chuck E. Cheese because he won`t share his game tokens with me make me an evil person? Just kidding! I have no clue whose kid this is.