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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
I hate when I’m alone in the dark and my brain says, “Hey, you know what we haven’t thought about in a while? Ghosts..”
I am used but in good condition.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
If you can’t love the one you want, love someone who looks like them and just squint a lot.
How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box for me to start a campfire?
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
Pretty sure I know what my wife`s getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!