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If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
"I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald`s application
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
Accidentally missed the freeway exit for home, now I`m heading north to start a new life.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong