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Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
There are 3 reasons for ”Liking” someone’s Facebook status: 1. I agree. 2. I realise this is about me, so I’m liking it to rub it in your face. 3. I want to bang you.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
Are you bored? Go to someone`s Facebook wall, Scroll down 4 months and like something.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.