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Does lying face down on this carpet make me look unsociable?
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
Got a little too much sun today. I knew I should have closed the blinds.
If you speak too slowly, I will complete all your sentences in my mind in ways that makes your story much more interesting
MAN LAW 101: No man should ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.
The path to inner peace begins with 3 simple words....Not my problem.
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
Robots can do anything we set their mind to