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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
If Plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters. Keep calm.
Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.