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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
I’m still waiting for the episode of Storage Wars where there’s a homeless guy living in the unit.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
Someone just called me normal, I`ve never been so insulted in all my life!
I`m hoping to avoid a situation where I have to dance to save my own life.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
90% of parenting is just screaming at your kids to stop screaming.
The iPad: Because the iPhone was too small for other people to notice you.