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My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. ..well, she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet..
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
Whoever invented self checkout greatly overestimated the general intelligence of the human race.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
1. Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
"Half a dozen" because saying `6` is way too long...
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.