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What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
You`ve got to be twins. You`re too stupid to be one person.
Know the rules well so you can break them effectively.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
so apparently there is no such thing as a St Patrick`s Santa and I`m not sure whose lap I just sat on at the mall.
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
If they were really trying to prepare high school kids for “real life” they would offer a class called “working with a$$holes”
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
I`ll never need a shrink as long as my wife keeps pointing out whats wrong with me...