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"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance
It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
If it doesn`t include antidepressants, they shouldn`t call it a Happy Meal.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I’m going to have.
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
Yes, Facebook says we`re `friends` but, trust me, I wouldn`t hesitate to punch you in the face.
Dance like no one´s going to put it on YouTube.
Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won`t be listening then either.
"It`s not about who`s right or wrong."~ The person that is wrong