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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
Just saw the book "Marriage for Dummies." ... Shouldn`t there be an "is" in there somewhere?
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
Remember when AT&T told you to "reach out and touch someone" and you ended up with that restraining order? ... Good times!
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
Iām Not Arguing. Iām Simply Explaining Why Iām Right.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.