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I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
Don’t look unless you’re prepared to see.
If life is unfair to everyone, doesn`t that make life fair?
Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs.”
The wet spot in my bed is tears
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
I will give you unconditional love as soon as you meet my list of demands.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
My dentist said that bacon and soda works the same as toothpaste. Friends have said she meant baking soda....but I disagree. :)
When I asked if you had protection, pepper spray isn’t what I meant.
Elderly people used to always nudge me at weddings and say "You`re next."What got them to stop is when............I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
The only rule of the Chess Club is to hide from the Fight Club.