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It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
The roof of my mouth just healed from that Hot Pocket I had in 2003.
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
If I`ve offended you in the past, please accept my apology, and shove it up your a$$.
It’s only Wednesday and I’m 95% done with this week.
Whenever I hear someone say “STOP” my brain says “Hammer Time”
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!