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I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
Some marriages end up fine, the others last forever.
Don`t cry because it`s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren`t in the database.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
Dear facebook, please quit asking me what`s on my mind. Eventually I`m going to get in trouble if I keep telling you.
Give up, itsy-bitsy spider. It wasn`t meant to be.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
What if oxygen makes our voice really deep, and Helium just brings it back to normal?
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
A woman’s anger is like a check engine light; there’s no pleasant way to determine what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
If our phones were really smart, they would tell us to get off of Facebook and do something meaningful or constructive with our lives.