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Do you know what would really be fun? ... No really.. If you know, tell me.. I`m bored to death.
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
Facebook Stalker! If you just felt a sudden twinge of guilt then yes I`m talking about you.
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
My ex girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to dress up as herself and then act like a f*cking b!tch all the time.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
I`m pretty sober, but I`m prettier drunk.