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Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling.
Sometimes I wish I wasn`t rich and handsome and delusional.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
When one door opens & another one closes, your fricking house is HAUNTED!
People should be required to pay an extra dollar for every syllable of their coffee order.
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
“That’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.