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Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
is pretty sure there´s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking...And I plan on finding out what that is.
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Fitness nuts have to do an entire marathon to feel a runner`s high..... I just have to bend over and tie my shoes.
I would’ve slept my way to the top years ago if it actually involved sleeping.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
Before you have any hope for the future of humanity, come and look at how this guy parked.
Greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!
Nobody talk to me until I`ve Instagrammed my coffee.