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Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
For the record when I was a kid I never wanted to be an adult.
I dont understand these pregnancy test things, so I took another one just to be sure. Just as I thought, its negitive, we`re not pregnant! Now how am I going to tell my wife she is just fat.
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
This patience thing takes forever.
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
Had a great time watching the family oriented PG rated Shrek with my grandson last night... until he asked why a Donkey would have sex with a Dragon.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
May your neighbors respect you, troubles neglect you, angels protect you and heaven accept you.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily Iām just unpopular.
Women and children first because men deserve a little quiet time before the ship sinks.