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I spend most of my money on beer and cigarettes.. The rest I just waste.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until an intoxicated idiot runs face first into a sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
Kids eat free today? Nice... In that case, I`ll have a water and my son will have the steak and shrimp combo with a kids bud light.
Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
So can we just skip to summer now?
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
Don`t Follow Me, I`m Lost Too
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
Crazy is like diarrhea. You can only hold it in for so long.
I used to think drinking was bad until i stopped thinking
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...