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I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
I don’t hate you, I’m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
I don`t like country music, but I don`t mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means `put down`.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
I don`t go crazy. I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
It must be exhausting being offended by everything.