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"I have almost $67 in the bank!" sounded a lot more impressive when I was 12.
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
Sometimes I feel like giving up...Then I remember I have a lot of motherf*ckers to prove wrong
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
"How about if I put a balloon over it? Would you touch it then?" -guy who invented condoms
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
I don`t know why I even bother chewing corn.
If she burns the bacon, she`s no good bro
Sometimes I wonder if the kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught a fish yet.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."