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The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed," many women still sleep with their husbands.
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
Don`t tell me what to do unless you`re naked.
I just saw a guy with the Monster energy logo tattooed on his neck, so if your village is missing their idiot, we have him.
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science