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The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
Not All Of The `Goodbyes` Are Sad (eg. * Goodbye School * Goodbye Work)
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Three guys walk into a bar. Two ended up with a concussion, the other needed 4 stitches.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
Sex, drugs, and candy crush all have one thing in common. It’s only an addiction if you start paying for it.
What if the stickers are the only thing Made In China?
I`m not saying Goldilocks was a piece of sh!t, but she broke into someone`s house and just started eating their breakfast.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
I have an inferiority complex,,,,,, but it isn`t a very good one.