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My friend sent his wedding invitation from Facebook Event. I sent him a gift from Farmville.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great subway sandwiches.
When I was your age, we drank water straight out of the sink.
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
You are by far my smartest and best looking friend on Facebook.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
I Got so Drunk Last Night ,.I Walked Across the Dance Floor to Get Another Drink, and I Won the DANCE COMPETITION...!!
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
A hypnotist is just someone that tries to roofie you with jazz hands.
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.