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Your life must really suck when no one even likes the catfish version of you.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
I wanna steal a Krispy Kreme truck and go on a high speed chase just because it`d be funny to watch a bunch of cops chase a donut truck
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
I think...therefore, I am.....single
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
Any time someone says "have you seen that YouTube video?" I always say yes......... Because otherwise they make you watch it on their phone
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can`t have a headache and sex at the same time?
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know I’m delicious but damn.
I could totally handle twins, triplets even quadruplets. Hold it, you`re talking about BABIES?
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....