Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Bathroom hand dryers are amazing if you want to kill a few minutes before wiping your hands on your pants.
Ha! Who`s laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
Whenever there is an awkward silence try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
I`ll tell you what`s wrong with modern society. Nobody ever drinks out of the skulls of their enemies anymore.
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
Did you know you can go to any gym without having to announce it on Facebook?
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.