Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
“Don’t make me regret this.” -things I think when accepting a friend request.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
Hitting on women at this PTA meeting would probably be easier if I actually had a kid at this school.
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.