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In sign language, arthritis is a speech impediment.
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it.. So now I have to live in constant fear.. O_o
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth.