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umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
I sent one of those swabs off for DNA sampling. Apparently, I`m 50% Crest, 25% Denture fixative, 13% kebab, and 12% Rum.
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no money in there.
I wish I could just “like” a text so I don’t have to respond.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
Inspiration: nobody else knows what the hell they’re doing either.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
"you failed just as much as your dads condom."
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.