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Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
Do trolls even live under bridges anymore? Or have they all relocated to the Internet?
"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
I’ve been saving up my tickets for 27 years sir, and I would like to purchase this very chuck e cheese.
if you wake up at 3am and scream bloody mary three times in the mirror, your mom will tell you to shut up and go to bed
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Having a bit of a lazy day! I`m sitting in my underwear looking for better jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused.
Whenever a buddy of mine wants to borrow something, I remind them that everything I own has touched my balls.
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.