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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
"The Ugly Duckling" has a great message. Everything in life will work itself out once you become physically attractive.
Nothing shall separate me from the love of beer...
Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
Research shows that when someone shouts "Oh no he didn`t!" he infact did.
The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.