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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
The best things in life require no pants.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
I look so young for my rage.
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
According to my current parking spot I`m a physician.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.