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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
Some women need to realize that showing cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
A lie is just a great story that someone ruined by telling the truth.
This sushi restaurant has the worst service. "Sir, this is an aquarium"
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
I may be stupid but im also dumb! :D
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
That moment when being uncool, is cool
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!