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Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
Marry someone who can cook. Love fades, hunger doesn`t.
When I see someone yawn, I yawn. I wish it was the same with exercising....
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.
There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.