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Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
I just noticed me saying "LOL" everytime I`m laughing = facebook addict...lmao :)
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
Always thought the 4 words I never wanted to hear from my wife was "I want a divorce". Turns out its actually, "What is your password".
"I’m not drunk!” is an argument only very drunk people think they can win
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
Does "who cares" count as advice?
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
I don’t just act crazy, I’ll drive you there too.
The best part of being single is that you always get to be right.