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FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
When I was young I could climb mountains, these days I have to steady myself to fart.
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
Zombies and I have a lot in common; we both walk around aimlessly looking for something to eat.
A sheep walks into a bar. Lots more sheep follow, the barman counts them and falls asleep, the sheep help themselves to free drinks. Genius.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
It costs over $235,000 for parents to raise a child today. And that`s just for the alcohol.
That moment of shame when an automatic door doesn`t open for you
Cactuses are just heavily armed cucumbers.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.