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Let´s drink tequila till you don´t remember what I suggest next..
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
I´m the kind of person that when my feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, HE´S UP"!
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Hummingbirds are just regular birds that can`t remember the lyrics.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” .... I said, “I am.”
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.
i dont have drain bramage.