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Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
For all of you who gossip about me: Thanks for making me the center of your world.
Didn`t ya`ll know awkward moments existed before? Damn, its like the Yolocaust all over again...
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
It`s a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
That awkward moment when the woman your dancing behind bends over so you can grind it, and you realize she`s just lost an earring and nobody in Starbucks can hear your iPod...
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?
I bet there are muppets that have thought about shanking Elmo.