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"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
I can`t believe the music that kids listen to now-a-days! What ever happened to wholesome music like "Push It" and "Me So Horny"?
Son: am I adopted? Me: not yet, but we`re hopeful.
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
Do homeless people get Knock Knock Jokes?
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
It`s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.