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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn`t yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
When someone ask me... How are you?... I answer back... You mean in bed?
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that sh!t.
I spend 60%of my day worrying that I might have mustard on my face or clothing. The other 40% I am eating mustard.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
Nicknames are way more fun when people don’t know they have them.
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
I pretty much spend all day, every day, just looking forward to going back to sleep.