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I don`t know what`s scarier. Houses with Halloween decorations or houses that still have up Christmas decorations from last year.
No body on there deathbed said I wish I had spent more time at work
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
I want someone to look at me the way I look at chocolate cake.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself "This changes everything."
I just broke my record for most days lived.
You haven`t really made it until people start using your name as a verb.
You think you`re pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
eHarmony has a 24 month plan. How ugly do you have to be to need 2 years to find someone?
They should just block cell phone service in movie theaters. Problem solved.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.