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Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
How the hell can Dora call herself an explorer if she only goes to places already on the map?
My friend told me that bigamy was having one wife to many. I thought that was called monogamy.
The new neighbors moved in today. I brought them a box of condoms to show how much I don`t want anymore children living on our street.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
Fat, single and ready for a Pringle.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.