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Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or Iām about to be murdered.
I`m more confused than a valet parking attendant at a Mary Kay convention.
My hand is stuck in a Pringles can. I`ll just leave it there. I`m not hiding who I am anymore.
To ensure you never cut yourself while chopping vegetables, get a friend to hold the vegetable.
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags in their house, or is it just me?
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
I saw something that reminded me of you.. so I flushed the toilet and washed my hands(:
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
I wouldn`t say I "missed" your call.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
Ran into a former supervisor from my last job today, kept driving.
You know that little thing inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn`t? ... Yeah, I don`t have one of those.