Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They say money can`t buy you happiness, but I`ve got a receipt from the liquor store telling a whole different story.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
The number of things that are *NOT* rocket science is staggering.
What idiot called him Alexander Graham Bell instead of Lord of the Rings
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.