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I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
someone told me I am immature and need to grow up ... so guess who is not allowed in my snow fort!!!
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
Running feels great unless you compare it to not running
Soup of the day: Tequila.
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: `last warning, you have a week to get the money together.`
If you can make a woman laugh, you`re almost there. If you`re almost there & she laughs, now that`s a different thing.
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
When I ask a girl I like why she and her ex broke up and she says "we just didn`t work out" I already know I have no chance since I hate working out
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.