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Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
Are the ATF and border patrols also shutdown? Asking for a Mexican friend....
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
If you have fewer than 25 FB friends. Please unfriend me because thats just embarassing and I dont want to be on your "loser" list.
Life would be so much more interesting if we all had cartoon bubbles over our heads.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.