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Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
I wish relationships were more like cell phone plans - "Free nights and weekends."
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
You mean you can actually put the cork back in a wine bottle? WHY!!??
The internet is full of cats because dog people actually go outside.
I wish karma would send me email notifications.