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thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
With Halo 4, Black Ops II and Assasins Creed III, I think November might register the lowest teen pregnancy rates in a long time!
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
It`s hard to feel sorry for people when they get what they deserve.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
My New Years Resolution for 2015 is to stop being so impatient.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup, and just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?