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Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
I drink my coffee out of a clear mug so people so where my tolerance level is at.
Tonight’s forecast. Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it takes up a lot more hard drive space.
When I see a guy sleeping on an unfolded cardboard box, I never know if he`s homeless or just tired from breakdancing.
My therapist says I should quit talking to myself.
Coffee`s a great way to fool yourself into believing you`re going to have a productive day.
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
When someone shows you they don`t want to be a part of your life, let them go. I`m not saying you can`t make a voodoo doll of them, though.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
“The darndest things.” -kids
I’ve been really depressed these past few days. Finally visited a therapist and got diagnosed. Turns out, I’m poor.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait....
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.