Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
This status is mine....I licked it.
I`m not sure what my credit score is but I`m pretty sure I`m losing.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.
Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
Thank god we don`t send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."
I’m going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I’m going to haunt grows everyday.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.