Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is "notice anything different?"
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
I´ll never be old enough to know better.
Instead of having a child, I intend to spend my life acting like one.
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
Christmas is over. We now return to our regularly scheduled self centered lives already in progress.
If stress burned calories, I’d be a super model.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.