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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
I ran out of coffee this morning, whisky seemed like an acceptable replacement. Everyone is so pretty today.
When you`re out & your cell battery is low: 1) lower screen brightness 2) turn off WiFi 3) crawl under table 4) weep softly til help arrives
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
I tried stuff once. It was horrible.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
My only argument with using the treadmill, is that I can`t run away from my farts.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
We get it poets: things are like other things
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.