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When I said make yourself at home, I meant go wash my dishes.
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
The best part of my divorce was how I woke up and I hadn`t done anything wrong
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.