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I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
I don`t care how much you liked the soap - NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again, if you drive a Nissan but don`t call it Liam then what is even the point of you
I was called a village idiot today which really upset me ... I live in a city.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
I’m not a schizophrenic… At least, that’s what all the voices tell me.
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
I inherited my dad`s sense of humor. He`s not funny either.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!