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If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
I couldn`t help but notice that I would like to have sex with you more frequently!
I hope I never go to jail because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2001
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
The mailman just delivered an 8-track of Boz Skaggs Greatest Hits. I guess this fulfills my Columbia House obligation.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I`m a blackjack dealer...