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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.