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I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Just been informed that my spirit animal is Eeyore.
Marriage, because sometimes ruining a person`s life takes serious commitment.
My new years resolution was to lose 30 lbs by the end of summer... I`ve only got 40 lbs to go.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.
Today we salute Vodka~ruining family reunions and supporting hilarious `hold my drink` moments for 50 years...