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You can never read a doctor`s prescription, but you can sure read his bill
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
It’s not really drinking alone if the dog is home ... right?
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
loves driving down the road and just waving at random people like you know them!:D
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
Admit it, you`ve answered Dora at least once in your life.
It`s okay I`ll text myself back.
Wrestling is obviously fake. Why would two people fight over a belt when neither of them are wearing pants?