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condoms prevent minivans
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
People that chew gum and drink alcohol what the f*ck is wrong with you.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
Asking me if Iām hungry, is like asking me if I like money.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.