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Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
Remember years ago when we didn`t have facebook and we had to take pictures of our food and get the film developed at the chemist get all your friends round your house and show them what you have been eating ...the good old days
When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.
I’ve been waiting for this moment ever since I got up… goodnight!
Was born with a rare condition called "Amazing"
I`m the crazy bitch you`ll never forget.
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
My phone is covered in cupcake frosting and dried ice cream, in case you were wondering how my life is going.
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
I thought kegels were like Jewish bagels
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.