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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
If you still pay for porn I just want you to know I have a butter churner and an abacus for sale.
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
"I have no idea. Why don`t you just Google it?" —My answer to just about every question I`m ever asked
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
Saw my ex with another guy at a bar last night. So I ordered a beer, took a few sips, walked over to their table, gave her date the rest of my drink and walked away... #leftovers
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
Anyone else find it odd that on Star Trek, when they "boldly go where no one has gone before" they always end up meeting someone?
If you can`t handle me at my worst, then that sucks because that`s all there is to me.