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I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
I do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.
Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil?
"Who`s this clown?" - every guy about every other guy who is in a photo with a girl we like
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.
Try trick or treating in spandex... I`ve seen how much it can hold.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park
They say love is in every corner… Then my life must be a freakin’ circle.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.